Are you feeling unworthy, not good enough, somehow lacking, low in confidence or any other related emotion? So perhaps on an unconscious level, you feel unworthy, even though on a logical level, you think you’re pretty good. This can happen when the emotional self is still hanging onto the things you have been told or the way that circumstances have made you feel, in the past. Let’s look at the feeling unworthy, and the concept of being deserving.
Feeling Unworthy as a Block to Succeeding
When clients describe an emotional block when it comes to achieving their goals, quite often they are talking about a fear of failure or a belief that they do not deserve to be successful, that there is something wrong with them. I am speaking of success in whatever way is relevant to you – career, relationships, family life, creative pursuits, sports, whatever. In fact I have treated elite athletes with this ‘feeling unworthy’ problem. Despite the fact that they are winning medals, they still harbour a deep seeded belief that they are somehow not good enough.
So naturally the question is, ‘Why wouldn’t you be good enough? Good enough for whom? How would you know when you were good enough?’ Then you might ask, ‘Do you harbour guilt? Are you a people pleaser? Are you a perfectionist?’ These questions all hint at an underlying belief that you feel unworthy.
Harry came into the clinic with a problem of being emotionally unbalanced. He would become agitated frequently, and he would explode when things did not go to plan. He had a need to control the outcome of situations and when he could not, he felt out of control. When I asked Harry about his self worth he responded that he was very confident, and could not relate to feelings of unworthiness. ‘OK’ I replied, but I was not satisfied.
When we completed a timeline regression on the issue of feeling out of control, we came back to his childhood, when Harry moved schools. He lost his friends and his sense of continuity with his learning, and he had been doing very well. Suddenly he felt alone, rejected and unsupported. Even thought the kids in the new school were not particularly nasty, Harry was on his own. He did not belong. This caused his to become quite defensive so that he could ‘keep it together’, while inside, he was such a sensitive kid, he felt as though his world had collapsed. This is why Harry’s need for control had become so strong, but underneath it was a feeling of not belonging.
Even though no one had told Harry that he was not good enough, this is precisely how the circumstances made him feel, in not belonging. “I don’t belong and so I feel rejected by everyone”. This naturally made him feel unworthy.
Is Anyone Worthy?
Interesting question. We could expand that a bit… Is life fair? Does a six year old deserve to get leukemia? Does a thief deserve to enjoy her bounty? Does an animal deserve to be abused? We are only worthy or unworthy according to our own perceived worth. We all construct an outline of what we need to do in order to identify and live by what is right, as opposed to what is wrong. The law is mostly clear in this regard, but then there is what we believe to be fair, just and worthwhile. And underneath that is what we feel to be true.
A person in a position of authority, say, a politician who abuses his power, say, he has withheld information to gain more votes, is unethical to most people. To him, he may believe that he is genuinely better than others and so deserves to gain advantage. I might refer to this as narcissism, and it is not uncommon. Because he feels better than others, he carries no concern over his actions, only so far as to ensure he does not endanger himself legally. On the reverse, a person who has a feeling of being unworthy, such as Harry, has not committed any crimes either. He is an honest and transparent person, a caring partner, a hard worker, and he makes an effort to do good in the world.
Most of us would hold the opinion that Harry is worthy, based upon his behaviour, and the politician as unworthy, based upon his , yet they each feel the opposite way. Except of course that ‘most of us’ is not all of us; and some of us have trouble seeing our own behaviour objectively, based upon our own beliefs and experiences. And despite what we think is right and wrong, and how we judge, the unconscious mind is not a logical place, it is a place where feelings, beliefs and urges rule. Harry was still that little kid feeling unworthy, on a deep level. Healing that level is how we can then transform Harry’s present day reactions to his environment. In removing this emotional block, the logical mind can then be more easily heard.
So now that we have smashed the idea of deserving as something based upon one’s own personal opinion, and the way that you feel, rather than any factual criteria, I suggest you simply decide what you want to achieve, and decide to pursue it, understanding now that deserving is quite literally, a subjective concept. Hopefully you will have a social conscience to try and better the world around you while you are trailblazing, but again, that’s just my opinion 🙂
If you need help removing emotional blocks, we can help. Horizons Clinical Hypnotherapy Sunshine Coast