When a loved one dies, whether that is a spouse, child, friend, pet or anyone else, we grieve. That grieving process is an acknowledgement of loss and a gradual acceptance that life will never be the same again, after that loved one has gone. We don’t so much get over grief, as we learn to accommodate that loss and hopefully, find further avenues for our love. But we can never replace that love that has gone.
Emotionally, that loss represents a part of ourselves. We feel as though we have lost a part that belongs to us. In fact our love is a gift of ourselves onto another, so it makes sense that when that receiver of that gift dies, we feel an outpouring that has no landing area, like a bottomless pit. But in truth, that emotion that we are losing, on a love that can no longer return our feelings, is still our emotion. It still belongs to us, and we can claim it back so that we no longer experience that bottomless pit. We can bring that lost love back home too, so that we can continue to love them in a sustainable way.
Grieving Process in a Nutshell
In my hypnotherapy and mind coaching clinic I use a process that helps my clients to regain that love that they feel has been lost.
- The process asks the person to think of five or so memories that really encapsulate that love between the two. These might be images of sharing a meal or playing at the beach together, or whatever. My client views these images out in front of themselves, as if on screens.
- I then ask my client to notice a glow around each screen, a glow which represents all of the love that we have been sending to that memory.
- My client will then see that glow detaching from the images and moving towards themselves, and as they come closer, the glow from each image joins up into a glowing ball.
- Once the ball is close enough to the client, it can make its way into the client’s heart and integrate into the body.
- Then the images on those screens can begin to move forwards towards the client, and when they are close enough, they too join and form one image that represents the loving relationship.
- That one anchor image can now also move into the heart and settle inside, where it can stay.
- This way the client has resolved that feeling of loss and instead has found a new way of maintaining that special connection.
Caveats
Sometimes when the pain is too great, or if it is too soon, the idea of processing the grief can cause further upset. Grief is a natural process and it takes time. To rush grieving is never a good idea, so I always ask how long it has been since the loved one has passed. If it is at least six months I will explore this process. There are also other modifications to this process that I use that can help to connect the client to their loved one in a positive way before bringing them back home.
Other Types of Grief
Grieving the loss over an unfulfilled life is a type of grief that is often overlooked. And it shouldn’t be. This type of grief often represents regret and a deep loss of self, and it is often accompanied by guilt.
- ‘What would my life have turned out like if I had married the other guy?’
- ‘What would my life be like now if I went to uni and studied to be a doctor like I wanted?
Then there is relationship grief. The end of a relationship shares many similarities with experiencing a death, because a relationship is the creation of two parts, which make a third part, like a having a child. A relationship is a construction, a creation, an entity in its own right. When it dies, you grieve. And then you need to redefine yourself, so your whole identity goes through an overhaul. When the relationship circle is broken, you now need to complete that circle with new resources.
If you need assistance with grief and the grieving process, whether that is through death, regret, or the end of a relationship, we can help. Horizons Clinical Hypnotherapy Sunshine Coast.