Divorce is often ugly. It can bring out the worst in people. Sometimes divorce can escalate an already abusive relationship, and sometimes it can create new problems, especially if there are children involved. Applying hypnotherapy in divorce scenarios can be immensely helpful for the individual for a number of reasons.
Why Employ Hypnotherapy in Divorce Scenarios?
Firstly, hypnotherapy is generally a one on one therapy, although some practitioners expand this format. So hypnotherapy is not family therapy or couples’ therapy, usually. It is not going to serve as a mediation either. What is can do is assist the individual client to:
- Determine what they want – stay or go
- Stand their ground in the face of abuse
- Respond better to criticism
- Maintain inner calm, despite the home environment
- Release anger and hostility in a healthy way
- Move forwards with a brighter vision
- Release trauma
- Increase personal confidence
- Overcome feelings of loss and grief
When I work with clients through hypnotherapy in divorce or separation, I find that abuse and manipulation often characterise the scene. I see just as many male clients as female clients who claim to suffer abuse, and quite often the manipulation that takes place involves the use of the children as bargaining chips. It is an old story, sadly.
While I cannot get involved in the family politics or any custody issues, unless my notes are subpoenaed by the courts, I can assist my client emotionally through the process. Quite often I will use some of the same processes that i use for grief, in the case of separation and divorce.
Harry’s marriage had long since disintegrated. His wife was suicidal and had been for years, but she would not seek help. They had a ten year old son. The mood at home was cold, desolate and still. When Harry came home from work he was hit with his wife’s depression. he no longer wanted to play soccer with his son or do anything much. He felt paralysed.
We worked together on building Harry’s boundaries and providing him with resources to enable him to switch states of mind so that he was able to lift himself up, despite the negative environment. He then felt like playing with his son and becoming more productive. Harry successfully used these tools through the separation until such a time that he felt it was safe to leave, with less risk to his wife.
While Ben and his wife had been separated for two years, they were still married. His wife had been living with her new partner for a year, but Ben had only now met someone. That’s when the trouble began. While it seemed ok for his wife to move on emotionally, it was not ok, apparently, for Ben to move on. Arguments began regarding the care of their son. The verbal agreement had been 50/50 share.
When Ben booked a weekend away with his new partner, as one of his scheduled ‘free’ weekends, his wife complained that she could not take care of their son at that time, even though she had three weeks notice. She would not provide a date when she would be free, using her partner’s changeable work schedule as an excuse. She accused Ben of neglecting his son and putting his own needs first. Effectively she would not agree to the weekend and she made him feel guilty.
Most people could see how unfair this situation is for Ben, and for their son, who now felt like an inconvenience, while the wife told him that Ben did not care about him. Ben did not stoop to using their son as collateral in the dispute, but regardless, their son was now being battered and confused by conflicting beliefs and perspectives.
I helped Ben to respond to criticism more effectively, and to create stronger boundaries. Most importantly I helped Ben to remember who he was before things fell apart, and to reclaim what he felt was lost. I helped him to regain his self-belief. Ben then made the decision to involve a lawyer in an aim to establish some legal boundaries as well.
These are just tow of many instances outlining the usefulness of hypnotherapy in divorce and separation. I you feel as though you would like some assistance in this, or any other area where psychological issue arise, make a booking. Hypnotherapy Sunshine Coast, hypnotherapy Noosa.