We all know that feeling. Do they like me? Would they ever leave me? Are they cheating on me? I could never meet someone that good because I’m not that good. That’s insecurity. Other times a person is damaged due to their experience in a relationship, or more than one, and that creates insecurity. It creates a new reality, one with less options.
And yet, when you look around, there are all sorts of couples out there who manage to get together despite their apparent differences – he’s into cars and she’s into crystals; she’s from a wealthy family and he’s working class; he’s a gym fanatic and she’s well-rounded; she’s a mover and shaker and he’s a gardener. And the list goes on.
What is Relationship Insecurity About?
Insecurity in relationships is a perceived problem, naturally, because there is not right or wrong formula. Of course there are couples who ‘look good together’, but that doesn’t guarantee success. Check out the latest celebrity divorces. I have assisted many people with relationship breakups to overcome their insecurities, and to move on within themselves, or in good stead for a better relationship.
Sometimes it’s that person who isn’t the usual choice that works out. How is that? When you think about what a relationship is, it is two parts, interacting. But that interaction is always going to be viewed from one perspective, each person’s own perspective. It is always going to be subjective.
For a good relationship, it is not about the other person. It is about how they make you feel, and vice versa. How they might inspire you to grow and change. It is not about how attractive they are, how fit, how intelligent, how successful, how otherwise wonderful they might be. All that comes into play, but it is not about them so much as how they, those things included, make you feel (and vice versa). And sometimes it is the elements that you did not expect or were not looking for that create a surprising uplift to your world. You only have to be open to it.
How to Overcome Insecurity
Think about it, some of the wealthiest, most successful, most attractive and so on, end up splitting up, and sometimes rather frequently, so clearly, it is not about that. Knowing yourself and being comfortable in yourself is the best position you can put yourself in when seeking a mate. It makes it much easier to perceive what a good match might be, even one you were not expecting. It makes it easier to take notice of the signs, the instinct, the little voice that says ‘yay’ or ‘nay’, rather than being hung up on the selection criteria that you might be prescribing to.
When I work with people regarding relationship insecurity, we will explore the cause of the insecurity and resolve it. Often it comes from a place of not feeling good enough in other areas of life, and often since childhood. We will also deal with any past relationship trauma that may be interfering with your current or future relationship, and we will work on confidence. We do this using several processes. We can even help you disengage with those truly toxic partners who have left their mark, so to speak, so that you can keep moving forwards.
If you would like assistance with your relationship mindset, we can help. Horizons Clinical Hypnotherapy Sunshine Coast.