It’s not uncommon to carry other people’s negative emotions, especially if you live with them or see them often. It can also get confusing as to whether the negativity you feel is yours, or someone else’s. Sometimes you simply don’t know what’s gotten into you, until you (hopefully) realise that these emotions don’t even belong to you.

Gabriella’s Negative Emotions

Gabriella came in to see me because she was in a funk. She’d been getting depressed, losing motivation, unable to get excited about some truly exciting things. When we talked it through, she realised that she had literally taken on her boyfriend’s negative emotions. It wasn’t deliberate, but she as a naturally caring person, his moodiness and anxiety had crept into her heart and mind and had gotten the best of her.

Her boyfriend, Luke, had chronic obsessive compulsive disorder and some massive trust issues. Gabriella had exhausted herself trying to put his mind at rest, before she eventually realised that only he could put his own mind at rest, and that it wasn’t her responsibility. Naturally she wanted to help him however, and that was the problem. She kept trying until his negativity literally contaminated her. Now there were two people with negative emotions who needed sorting out.

Healing negative emotions requires the will and cooperation to make a change. sometimes that change will be slow, if the pattern has been around for a long time, as in the case of Luke. He had a history of abandonment that went back to childhood. He trusted noone, and when he became close to someone, he focused all of his pain onto that person, because he felt safe to do so.

Gabriella never saw this vulnerability in Luke in the first 4 months of the relationship, but as they grew very close, it came to the fore.

Healing Gabriella’s Feelings

Gabriella copped the brunt of Luke’s pain, as well as his accusations, which came from a suspicious mind due to past experiences. She felt a sense of shame imposed upon her, even though there was nothing that she had sone to feel ashamed about. Luke told her differently. While she was trying to help him, he was emotionally abusing her as a way of blaming her for his troubles.

Eventually Gabriella sought assistance with this heaviness she had taken on. We worked on her boundaries first and foremost, and we performed a forgiveness technique between herself and Luke, amongst other NLP and hypnosis processes. Gabriella had decided that if Luke could not let go of his own negativity, she could no longer try to help him. It was costing her too much.

Gabriella created strong boundaries which still gave Luke the opportunity to make changes, without her putting her life on hold, and without her sacrificing her mental health. If he managed to help himself, they could come back together, but if he didn’t, there is little she could do. After all, someone who is accusatory and shaming is not demonstrating love or kindness, and that’ the name of the game. Whether or not he had the capacity to change is what she didn’t know for sure. In any case, she was free again, having ditched the negative emotions that never belonged to her in the first place.

If you need assistance dealing with your own or other people’s negative emotions, we can help. Horizons Clinical Hypnotherapy Sunshine Coast.