A lot of people carry baggage, or past relationship trauma, and some of us have trunk loads! Getting rid of old baggage gives you your best chance to establish a truly rewarding relationship in the present, or future.
Karen’s Past Relationship Trauma
When I answered Karen’s phone call. the information was vague – “negative thoughts”, “old patterns” and the like. What Karen was struggling with was the echo of two former relationships where she had been cheated on in one case, and physically and emotionally abused in the other.
Before we get into the story, I’d like to jump ahead where, at the completion of session one, Karen was astonished at the shift she felt in response to the work we’d done: “Wow I cannot believe it. It’s like a huge weight has just lifted off my shoulders!”. Session two ended similarly with, “I have finally, after all these years, let him go”. Session three found Karen almost completely over her anxiety and ready to really step into her current relationship, without fear.
What happened to Karen in her past relationship trauma is unfortunately not uncommon, where a partner will repeatedly lie and cheat, making us question our own sanity. This brings in self-doubt and that in itself attacks our confidence and self esteem. Then we find out that it was true all along! We feel even worse that we chose to believe the lying toad than to back our own instincts.
Following this was Karen’s physical and (further) emotional abuse partner who literally kicked her in the guts when she was too unwell to be intimate with him. This hyena of a man was clearly using Karen for whatever he could get from her, and completely dismissive in her poor health. Karen’s past relationship trauma hit all the targets.
The experience of these two woeful relationships had left Karen to feel untrusting towards her new partner, even though she knew he would never cheat on her of become violent. This is where instinct can lead us astray. Karen’s instinct was now clouded with fear from the past. Even though she knew this man was good, she felt suspicious. She was confused. “The more invested I become with him, the more fearful and untrusting I become” she said.
Resolving Past Trauma
Well it often comes down to this – clearing out the baggage. Naturally, if the trunk is full, there is no room for anything new, so we do need to clear out the baggage to accommodate new experiences in our lives, without the contamination of the old.
In session one we regressed that feeling of low self-worth, which is what it came down to for Karen (but could differ for each individual). In so doing, we resolved the pattern that Karen had created around feeling like a doormat, experiencing self-doubt and all the rest of her past relationship trauma side effects.
In session two we focussed upon specific events from her past relationship trauma and said goodbye to each of her tormentors in a way that only unconscious processes can really manage. In session three we updated Karen’s unconscious mind as to the life she has now, without the influences from the past hindering her emotions and behaviours.
It is very fortunate that Karen understood that her fears were interfering with her current mindset, as some people do not. These people believe typically that they have dealt with their past and processed it all. However here is the thing… Using logic with the unconscious mind is like speaking Cantonese to a Greek. They just don’t relate. In order to work with the unconscious mind, you have to use it’s own language, the language of emotion, urges and core beliefs. This is where hypnotherapy is best applied.
If you would like assistance dealing with past relationship trauma so that yo can step into today with a smile, we can help. Horizons Clinical Hypnotherapy Sunshine Coast.