Sometimes we find emotional blocks appearing in certain relationships, and not others. Why? It could be many reasons – one person is triggering the other over certain issues? Commitment phobia is setting in, where a fear of committing to the partner causes sabotage of the relationship? Feelings of being not enough for the partner are emphasised the more we like that person? These are just a few relationship blocks that can appear, especially early on.
Sometimes relationship blocks can resolve themselves after the couple have acclimatised to each other and they can see their partner, without the ‘blurry glasses’ that create the distortion. Other times, if the issues are deep seeded, a third party is necessary to help the couple, one or both, to gain perspective.
Rob’s Relationship Blocks
Rob met Cathy and they began seeing each other regularly. It was intensive. At first Cathy felt that Rob really understood her. He could see her quirky side. He picked songs for her that really reflected her as a person. She felt very lucky to have found someone who ‘got’ her. After a month or so he began to attribute other descriptions of Cathy that were way off. She found it confusing – how could he be so accurate at first, and now so off the mark? Cathy’s friends and family also found his descriptions of her to be strange.
As time wore on, Rob had forgotten about the quirky Cathy he was attracted to and could only see this false Cathy, who was not relevant to Cathy or to Rob. In fact Rob really disliked this version of Cathy, so much so that he ended their relationship, and all the while, Cathy was screaming at the unfairness of the situation.
Why did Rob turn Cathy from a desirable mate into someone who was irrelevant to him? While Rob painted Cathy as this ‘other person’ he was still, in fact, falling in love with her, and despite the offence Cathy felt, she was still falling in love with him.
This ‘other person’ who Rob had begun to attribute to Cathy was none other than a replica of his ex girlfriend – a cheat. While Cathy and the ex-girlfriend shared some similar tastes on a superficial level, it was enough to trigger Rob’s survival instinct -push her away so it doesn’t happen again. On top of this, Rob had a very difficult childhood where he was raised in a hostile environment and never felt good enough.
There seemed to be two key issues here – that Rob was afraid of getting hurt again as the relationship grew stronger, and so was protecting himself from Cathy; and that Rob had an underlying feeling of not being enough for Cathy. He had previously told her that he felt she was too good for him.
With deep seeded issues such as childhood trauma and infidelity, Rob really needed to work on his past. He was the one who was unhappy with what Cathy might one day do, or even what he thought she really felt, not the other way around. Arguing about the issue only made things worse. The alternative was to separate and lose the potential for a strong and lasting bond.
If we do not take emotional responsibility for our issues, we cannot move forwards, and we not only lose the opportunity for love, but we also stymie our partner’s opportunity for experiencing that love, with us. Rob had a choice – work it out or start up again with someone new. The problem is that those same relationship blocks may follow Rob, if he finds someone he feels for as much as Cathy.
If you need help moving through your relationship blocks, we can help. Horizons Clinical Hypnotherapy Sunshine Coast.