It can be traumatic, lifechanging, sad, liberating and a whole lot more when you experience relationship breakdown. Most of the clients I see with this problem are coming in because they are either having trouble letting go and moving on, or because they are in need of repair after the abuse and other emotional damage they experienced.
Sometimes relationships are for a reason and a season, and they do have an expiry date. Other times they can grow and change and survive all of those twists and turns that happened as one or both people evolve or change in some way. But even if moving on is ultimately a good thing, relationship breakdowns are hard. For some people, they can be hard leading up to the decision to split and then liberating when the split happens; and they can be sad all the way through, and after, having tried everything and seemingly failing regardless.
Roy’s Relationship Breakdown
It had been a year now and Roy’s ex-wife was starting to date other people. “That’s not what upsets me”, he said. “I expected that. It’s the way that I haven’t been able to be a good father in the past years that I’m regretful of”.
For Roy, the separation had led him to feeling a total loss of control. Where he lived had to change. Having his children as part of his daily life, changed. Being fully present when he did see the kids, was affected. How he interacted with staff at work, was affected. Roy had lost a sense of himself as his entire world fell apart.
Roy’s approach to dealing with this relationship breakdown was to try to fix it. He accepted that he was always too busy and that’s why his wife left the marriage. He had made progress but not enough. She felt alone. After the split he tried to repair the damage. For her, it was too late. So, while he was focused on reuniting, she was moving further and further away.
One year later and he had finally realised that he was also destroying his relationship with his kids as his focus had been solely on the ex. He also realised that he had lost himself, having felt so reactive to the events in the past 12 months.
Healing the Past
We did a regression around that loss of control feeling and there were a number of times that Roy had felt this way in his life. It was a theme that his subconscious mind knew well. As we resolved that theme and brought Roy back up through his past, all the way to today, he sobbed with happiness. “It’s the first time since this happened that i can actually see hope, and it doesn’t rely on [the ex]” he said. “It relies on me and what I can create.”
When you have a relationship breakdown, your life is like a broken circle. Once it was whole and now it’s missing a big piece. Now you need to fill in that gap with your own resources to complete the circle once again, so that you can feel whole. Roy was just beginning to see that after session one as he caught a powerful glimpse of a happy future, for the first time since the relationship ended.
If you need help with a relationship breakdown, we can help. Horizons Clinical Hypnotherapy Sunshine Coast.