Sometimes when a client is experiencing abuse, they need to engage in releasing anger. There are some good, targeted ways to do this. I practice a release technique, sometimes called a Forgiveness Technique, although it is not necessarily about forgiving a person for offences against you. It is more about letting that hurt go.

I have witnessed the gentlest personalities transform into veritable demons right before my eyes, in the process of releasing anger. Anger is ugly, but it’s better dealt with than left to fester where it can cause more harm, either to the owner of the anger, or the object of the anger.

Damon’s Marriage Breakdown

Ever been in an abusive relationship with a narcissist? Someone who belittles you and makes you feel worthless. Someone who deliberately embarrasses you in social situations. Someone who tells you that you would be nothing and nowhere without them?

We often think of men playing this role in relationships, but gender is not ‘where the buck stops’, so to speak. I suppose because of the expectation of men to be manly and to stand their ground, it is quite often this way. But ultimately it comes down to bullying, and women are just as good at that than men, if they choose to be.

In order for a person to suffer the bullying of a narcissist they will either be gentler souls, lack self esteem, and/or be ‘placaters’ in the family personalities structure model, in trying to make the peace, for the greater good. They are people pleasers. Well, Damon was the placater in his marriage, and his wife was the blamer. She was constantly putting him down, most probably because she felt inadequate in some way and was looking for acknowledgement. This is why she constantly attempted to block his happiness and any initiative he took for developing himself. Whatever the reason, her behaviour was not OK.

Damon had decided to pursue a divorce. Up until now, he had been the primary carer for their two children. What will happen after the separation is still unknown.

Releasing Anger – Damon’s ‘Exorcism’

I took Damon through the ‘Forgiveness Technique’, for want of a better word. The process aims to dissociate the offending person from their behaviours so that they can be viewed by the abused person, as an ‘ordinary’ person. Once you take that fear away, you can see that the offending person is not their behaviours, but that they ‘do’ these behaviours, and once those behaviours are separated from them, they lose that power. But first, the abused person needs to identify these behaviours and throw them back at the offender. This can be very cathartic. This is where the anger spills out of them and where, ideally, I put the room clearing sprays to work! This is what I call the exorcism, and it can be pretty intense.

Then we metaphorically destroy the offending behaviours so that the resulting damage can now be healed. Finally, we cut the cord that ties the abuser, to the abused. That means that we are focusing on cutting that syphon which has allowed all of the negativity to get to the abuser. Once the syphon is gone, the abused person can better retain their energy. The result is that the person has offloaded the pain and hurt in a very thorough way, processing it out, and leaving them feeling calm and relieved.

I use this process in many applications, not just for releasing anger or hurt over abuse. It is especially good for breaking negative familial patterns, such as with a history of alcoholism. It is also very good for breaking with pain from the past.

If you feel that you would benefit from resolving some hurt, anger, or other negative attachments that you cannot break, this is one of the processes we would use. Make a booking with Horizons Clinical Hypnotherapy Sunshine Coast and let us help you to move forwards.