It doesn’t matter how successful some people are, how good they are at their job, or how much praise they receive for their efforts, they might continue feeling insecure, regardless.
Types of security
So what is security? It is an idea. When we look at finances for example, one person may feel financially secure with $10,000 in the bank while another may need $2 million in order to feel that they can get by, or that they will be okay in the event of an emergency. To some degree that is something you can calculate based upon your expenses and debts.
But beyond that, given the same circumstances for two different types of people, one may base their level of security on survival for two months, while the other bases their level of security on survival for two years, for example. If you did a stock count right now, what is your level of security? How long do you plan for, and how much money do you feel that you need? How much of that is based purely on expenses and debts, and how much is based on feeling insecure, or a lack of trust that you can deal with problems if they arise?
I remember a client once who was twice divorced. Both times her ex husbands took the assets and she was left with nothing. She told me she didn’t care. She said that she knew how to make money and she knew she could do it again. She said that she would always be okay. More important for her was to get away from these toxic relationships, so she bought her way out. This is a great example of a woman who was not feeling insecure, even though financially, she was living in a caravan for a time after one of these breakups.
Feeling insecure… emotionally
Feeling emotionally insecure may have nothing at all to do with finances. In my clinic I see many clients who are feeling insecure, whether at work, in relationships, with their health, and so on. Even hardcore smokers who have not had a cigarette since the first session may still ask me, in session 3, if I think that they can give up. By this stage the nicotine has left their systems and they no longer want to smoke, in most cases.
Clients who have come to see me for weight loss may still ask me if I think they can achieve their aims, despite the fact that thy have already started to see the kilos shed by session 3. Anxiety clients who have not experienced anxiety since the first session will still sometimes ask me when their anxiety will come back. They are feeling insecure despite their success.
This mindset represents a lack of trust in oneself, which is what insecurity really is. Feeling insecure, of course, is related to feeling not good enough, in many cases, but underneath this is trust. If you cannot trust yourself, it is likely that you will not be able to trust others. If you believe that you are not good enough, it is likely that you will sabotage opportunities which allow you to shine.
Lachlan’s Insecurity
Lachlan was a star performer. His lack of self-belief and insecurity made him very careful at work. He was rigid with his schedule and always put in more effort that was needed. That’s not an issue, unless it was an issue for the Lachlan himself, which it wasn’t because he didn’t mind doing the extra work. The issue here is that, despite Lachlan’s outstanding job performance, the praise he received from his boss, and the pay rise which reflected this success, Lachlan experienced anxiety as a result of feeling that, perhaps tomorrow, he might be being judged. He had a fear of judgement, despite his abilities.
Just as with the financial security examples above, how much security – praise, successful outcomes, pay – did Lachlan need in order to feel secure? In many fields of employment it’s true, you are only as good as your last job. Things can change and people can fall from grace overnight in the eyes of their superiors. But this would be true of anyone in those jobs. Why then is John able to enjoy his work without the anxiety while Lachlan is experiencing a panic attack when his boss walks past?
Resolving insecurity is about rediscovering self-belief and more importantly, self-trust. Hypnotherapy and NLP and excellent tools for this work. If you are feeling insecure and need some help to rediscover your self-trust, we can help. Horizons Clinical Hypnotherapy Sunshine Coast.